I am not a ranter..but lately, I've encountered a few things that really suck and I'm compelled to tell you about them: 1. Fuck health insurance!After 15 years of excessive medical debt and many strange clinic visits, my dad finally scored our family some health insurance. Not sure why I qualify. I'm over 19 and out of college. But I won't question these things. So yeah, I go to the Blue Cross/Blue Shield website to look for a dentist in my area. I've got this this tacky brown spot on my two front teeth and I'd like to have it bleached off. Only the website tells me the closest dentists covered under my plan are in motherfucking KENOSHA WISCONSIN! Not a single one in Chicagoland proper. DaaaahhH! 2. Fuck yuppies.Yes, again. And then fuck them some more. Fuck them for their oblivious ways. Like this morning, for example, this yuppie sits next to me on the brown line. I'm in the window seat, she's in the aisle. My stop is approaching. I stand and politely say, "excuse me". No response from Ms. Yup. She is hiding beneath her $180 sunglasses and white earphones, dreaming of condos and bimmers and whatnot. I say louder, "excuse me!" Still no response. Finally, I bash her gently over the head with my bag, "Oops! Sorry!" She gets up. Yuppies are stubborn in their ignorance of life outside pilates and pointy shoes. Like mules, won't budge until beaten. I have a theory that Chicago yuppie chicks have the most annoying voices on the planet. Think about it.. Chicago accents are nasal to begin with. Add to it a general disregard for the feelings of others and a sense of entitlement that lends them no remorse for the most bone-shattering shriek of, "OH MY GOD I'M SOOO DRUNK". If you don't believe me, stroll down Clark Street, near Wrigley Field on a Friday or Saturday night and try to tell me you don't long for some kind of automatic weapon. 3. Fuck the ipod shuffle!My last one had some sort of factory defect, so they replaced it for free. Very cool. Only now, the one they've replaced it with is defective, too. Three words: FUCK THAT SHIT!! After thourough research of online message boards pertaining to the shuffle, I've developed a theory: the ipod shuffle was designed to get the user "hooked" on ipod, then to break after just a few months. I guess Apple figures that we'll figure, "Oh well. I've got to get a new one, anyway. Might as well spend $300 dollars more to get a full-blown ipod." Well, bitches. That isn't gonna work on me. I will go down to the Apple store and demand a new shuffle every month, if I have to. *deep breath* Now back to your regularly scheduled irreverence.
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