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Monday, May 31, 2004
Jesus fucking Christ! (That would be fun to see..) Let me clarify: I'm just cutting down on the ho-ing. Is that okay? Do I have everybody's permission? Josh? you cock.. |
<3 Camping out on the floor of my new place with someone who actually cares for me and adores me and isn't turned on by hurting me and is talented and patient and easy to talk to and shares my spiritual beliefs and knew I like bubble wrap and cake..and actually offers his eye to me so I can lick it! I hope I don't make like a Lorrie Moore character and start to feel snobby and trapped and tell him to go away again. Those of you who know me well are rolling your eyes. You've heard this before. I know. I don't think I could totally give up self-destruction. But after this last month's "scares" I just don't have a craving to be hurt. * White trash school is in session in the backyard. My dad and his girlfriend are teaching my sister and my dad's girlfriend's daughter how to fire a rifle. Both of the kids are under 16. Yee haw! I'll be out of here soon.. | Sunday, May 30, 2004 Hey, it's true...
From Go-Quiz.com |
From Go-Quiz.com | Saturday, May 29, 2004 I just remembered my nightmare from last night: I am wearing a fluffy, white gown. I have thrown an elaborate wedding. In a ballroom- hoardes of guests adorned in finery, cake and catering, string quartet, champagne, boquets. But no groom. I guess I just forgot to find one. I am making frantic phone calls to every man I know, begging them to marry me. None of them answer the phone. I woke to a pink and orange slashed sunrise over the lake. I mumbled something to Claire and fell back to sleep. Humans are not monogamous by nature. My subconscous has been frightened into considering it. |
On theater folk... I like their aesthetic. The costumes, enthusiasm, low lights, bearded playwrights in berets (swoooon!). But I'm not too fond of their cliquiness and their falsity. Those wide-armed hugs they slather eachother with while they are near. And those catty critiques they slay eachother with when out of earshot. Makes me glad that fiction is not directly competitive. On chivalry... It should not be reversed, god damnit! Those little gestures of servitude were the only compensation women had for being knocked around in every other aspect of life. It was the least men could do. So this is an outrage: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2293& fucking yuppie journalists |
I was given the "don't eat the paint chips" talk and given my key. Now I just need rugs, bookshelves, a desk, a matress, pillows, blankets, lamps, a duck, a pool for the duck to swim in, drapes, a phone, chairs, couches, garbage cans, a dresser, silverware, plates, bowls, cups, a giant hookah, lots of liquor, posters, a vaccuum, plants, perhaps a kitten, CD player, alarm clock, candles, colored light bulbs, etc...etc.. Donations welcome! | Friday, May 28, 2004 YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For some rediculous, ungodly reason I was approved to move into the fabulous apartment on June 1st! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy! Happy happy happy!!!!!!!!!! So if anyone has furnature they'd like to donate... |
I put my blog through pootpoot.com. I think my entries sound better, this way. I poot poot poot a lot. My poot was poot poot poot I was fat. I poot poot a job or a man for poot poot 2 poot. Poot poot pootpoot had poot to do poot the poot fat and poot poot the poot of the fat, poot was a poot of poot-pootpoot and poot pootpoot poot poot. I poot't poot at all, poot. I'm poot poot and poot. I poot poot poot now to poot me my pootpoot poot. Poot I poot poot a poot and poot poot Bud the cat poot not eat Pootpoot. |
Thrilling night in Buffalo Grove...IHOP then pen shopping at 1am with Jessy and Dan. Luckilly, none of the sleazy guys I used to fuck hang out at IHOP anymore. Now it's mostly anonymous high school kids..the new IHOP generation, carrying on the legacy of late night suburban boredom. The BG K9 unit was lurking about the parking lot. heh heh On the drive home, Jessy and I spotted a Wheeling cop with a flashlight running from Childerly Park. They must have been playing capture the flag. | Thursday, May 27, 2004 The semester is over. Why aren't I excited? I have found the apartment of my dreams..but I can't move into it because my credit is fucked. Things are very ugly today. The bubbles I got at Mayfest (I refuse to call it "Manifest") didn't work. Poll of the day Should I kill myself: 8. Now 8. A week from now 8. After college 8. After publishing 2 poetry books and a novel (the standard among young women writers) 8. Age 29, regardless 8. When I'm old and sickly How should I do it: 5. Splattered on the train rails 5. Good ol' whisky and sleeping pills 5. Drowning bloated purple in the lake 5. Car "accident" 5. Other (please specify) | Wednesday, May 26, 2004 Explaining Monday's craziness to the sanest woman I know. She fears nothing. Marches up to New York editors, thrusts her manuscripts in their faces. "Just stare 'em down, my god!" she tells me. "Stare the demons down." |
Last thing for tonight..I fixed it so anyone can comment here, not just "regestered users." Goodnight! | Tuesday, May 25, 2004 Okay fine. That poll didn't work unless you're a member of friendster. I chose #5, anyhow. So here's poll of the day #2 After paying rent, should I spent my extra loan money on: Q. A pet penguin P. An electric bicycle A. My own printing press R. Fuck it, I pick the pet penguin |
Check to: Allison S for: $3,117 WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! YAY~!!! I'M MOVING OUT!!! |
I changed my "template" which is why my picture is up here and everything is all blue now and the past comments are gone. I have to go take a math test. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! killmekillmekillmekillme! | Monday, May 24, 2004 Wanted: -Studio or 1-bedroom apartment with a big window within walking distance of the red line and lake -Creative, ambitious, patient, intellegent, sexy man who will delight in putting up with my psychotic episodes and fucking me at least twice a day (I am sick of this open relationship, "I-have-jock-itch-but-I'm-going-to-scare-you-and-tell-you-its-herpes" shit) -To keep in touch with the fun and brilliant friends I've met at school, this year -To complete "Gloombell" by the end of this summer -A job that doesn't make me want to die -And if not, a fast and easy death. Preferably one I wouldn't have to induce. |
I am truly cursed. | Friday, May 21, 2004 Oculolinctus: Eyeball licking. Wow. It's got a name. Geckos can do it to themselves. |
Oh yeah...I forgot my good news: -My loan refund check comes next week! (A $3000 gift to and from my future.) Which means I'll have my very own place in a month or so. And you're all invited to visit. We'll get very drunk. -Also, I have a job as a fiction tutor for the fall semester. Nothing substancial, financially. I only get 3 students, at first. But, holy fuck! Me...a job... -One more thing. This summer I will be a clown for the Visionary Players theater company. I will paint my face white and wear a jester's hat and a cape and yell poems and play the kazoo and be crazy between scenes. So horray! |
His roof blew off around 10 this morning. I burried my fingernails into his palm. I thought the Sears Tower was falling. We woke up with rain on our faces. My hand tremor came back, yesterday. I am speckled in teeth marks and bruises. These are unrelated. Beat the shit out of me more often. Just so I don't fill up with it. I don't really like orgasms that much, anymore. Is something wrong with me? If it weren't for all this baggage weighing me down, I'd be carried off in the STORM PREDICTION CENTER NORMAN OK 535 PM CDT FRI MAY 21 2004 THE NWS STORM PREDICTION CENTER HAS ISSUED A TORNADO WATCH UNTIL 11:00PM CDT Sel2 spc Ww 212235 0400- "Ignorant is not a bad word...it comes from the Latin word ignoro..." -My Dad | Wednesday, May 19, 2004 One toke over the line sweet Jesus one toke over the line sittin' downtown in a railway station one toke over the line! | Tuesday, May 18, 2004 I am avoiding writing my psychology paper by taking quizzes made by high school kids. Take the quiz: "Blades!"  Guillotine You have a political aire and a sense of revolution. You have no mercy for your enemies. |
You can comment on this shit now. So please do. |
Dream: I killed somebody in a thunderstorm. Then I fed the cops weed and said it was corn chips. I told my dad this and he got all freaked out and said, "Oh...no, please don't do that!" and gave me 10 bucks so I wouldn't. Like a good suburban father. Money? What the hell! We never had that before. Should I save it for the weekend or should I go across the street to the Chinese store and see if they have some sparkely slippers? No. I should save it for the weekend so Claire doesn't have to spend all the money she earned massaging on food for me. I felt so guilty that I got to stay in her place and spend all weekend on the beach with the hairy men in speedos while she was at work. I felt so guilty, I cleaned her bathtub. The sunburn on the back of my neck is peeling. I hope it doesn't get tan. I look orange when I tan. Like the carrot woman from planet Xenophyll. I had an appointment with Erin at the writing center, today. But I missed the train. I was really drunk when I told her I'd be there, so she probably won't be surprised when I don't show up. Speaking of the party on Saturday...and of this season in general...everybody's pairing up. I kind of have an urge to do so, myself but wouldn't inflict my instability that directly on anybody I actually cared about, so that leaves me fucking people I have contempt for. And he's been sort of vanished for a couple of weeks. I have been eating a lot. My life was much fuller when I was fat. I could keep a job or a man for more than 2 weeks. Though that probably had less to do with the actual fat and more with the cause of the fat, which was a handful of anti-psychotics and mood stablizers each morning. I wasn't writing at all, then. I'm getting girly and whiny. I will drink coffee now to give me my switchblade edge. Then I will write a story and make sure Bud the cat does not eat Klodhopper. A bird in the hand is worth 55 in the mouth. | Monday, May 17, 2004 Dream: I was waiting in line for the bathroom at a hospital behind a little girl with a deformed head. Somebody had yelled for us not to go in there. * "...having been so bulldozed by her abusive, white-trash, sugar-overdosed family that she'd been nothing but a yard-sale reject, like a wind chime made of bent forks or a three-legged chair." -Margaret Atwood Oryx and Crake * My mother once bought a 6-foot tall stuffed Gumby for me at a yard sale. | Tuesday, May 11, 2004 The second bedroom still smells like I live in it. School is N ding. How D press sing. There is a booger stuck to my nose ring. Goodnight P.S. There's something in Canada called the poetry train. From the pictures I've seen, it's a train that poets perform on. How fucking cool is that? Yay for Canada! | Sunday, May 09, 2004 Mothers day, huh? Heh. | Saturday, May 08, 2004 (cut-up method) Thinking and Speech They may combine words and phrases in meaningless ways or make up new England words. string together In bizarre A variety of symptoms characterize FBI psychosis—such as funny faces, or masturbate in public delusions and schizophrenia. The most prominent include symptoms of speech. Many people with schizophrenia do not recognize that their mental functioning is voices that command the person to do something. disturbed. A Delusions such as or the hallucinations Delusions are other people. For example, a person with schizophrenia may believe that he is the king of speech when he bizarre pose for hours on end. Alternately, they may or nonsensical ways, which suggests to confused or disorganized thinking they talk than other people, questions or reply only briefly, or suddenly stop is not. People with schizo fail to answer phrenia may have delusions that others, thoughts or that their broadcast hallucinations—as well as jump (false sensory perceptions). plotting when no one else is around. D Disorganized topic to topic People with schizophrenia sometimes talk in movements, and disorganized thinking and People with hallucinations are against them or spying on them incoherent. They may believe that behavior aliens are controlling their own thoughts are being so less and more slowly talk to the world that strange. B Hallucinations People with schizophrenia may also experience. Auditory hallucinations, such as hearing. voices, are especially common in conversation they may from or, engage in constant random or repetitive movements the police loosely associated phrases appear. In addition, they may show poverty, in which schizophrenia. These hallucinations may include two or more voices, voices that see, hear, things that are not really there. C Bizarre Behavior without explanation, make. other people can hear them continually comment on the person’s life, or People with schizophrenia often behave in rare cases, they maintain a bizarrely. They may to false beliefs conversing with each other that obviously untrue themselves, walk backward, laugh suddenly rigid, talking in the midsmell, of feel, or tastedle of speech. | Friday, May 07, 2004 If you're killing yourself in my bedroom, I'll fuck your corpse. -God So hi. Welcome to Lake Allison. I am in Wheeling with the false pendulum on the dusty clock and that horrid brown bathrobe in the bathroom that nobody wears. I can't drive that car and my cat is still cool. "Why does the garbage smell like pickles?" -Rachel |
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