He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.You probably know where that's from. When I was a kid, my grandma took me to church. They had me memorize Bible verses. I was really good at it. They gave me trophies for it. And the verse about the "first stone" sort of stuck in my head all these years. Jesus said it when this crowd asked him to judge an adultrous woman. And I thought of that quote tonight because I've fucked up. Let me explain.. On Saturday, I caught the bouquet at my friend's wedding. I'm clumsy as fuck and wasn't wearing my glasses, but somehow my hand just shot up, like a bouquet attracting magnet was stuck in my palm. As the cameras clicked, capturing me and the lovely bride in this moment of hope, as my friends and random guests congratulated me, I began to think that maybe love and happiness were things I could find too.. Then I realized I had love already. It hit me: oh my god, I'm with a good one! Sure we had our issues but overall, our moments together were happy. And that terrified me. So I looked for a problem, found one. Sabotaged what he and I had in the quickest and cruelest way. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that and have every right to ditch me. But I'd like to think a person is more than just a summary of their actions. I'd like to think that love is being able to look at your loved one as a whole and say, "Your not perfect. In fact, you're a pain in the ass sometimes. But I accept you how you are." I'd like to think that love is patient. I'd like to think that what we had is worth salvaging. Maybe I'm being naive, but I still have hope and this damn bouquet in a vase. If there were anything.. a cookie that lets you travel through time when you eat it, some perfect, affirming apology.. that I could do to reverse this.. maybe a little time can heal us.. If not, at least I've learned something. I won't sleep tonight.
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