Saturday, April 01, 2006

The winner is..

By far, RASPUTIN!

For:
1. Shagging the tsarina
2. Healing the tsarevich's hemophilia via hypnosis
thus ingratiating himself with the royal family. Enchanting his way to a position of import, where he would alter world politics.

He was born a peasant and rarely bathed. Had orgies in his basement. Just my type of guy. =)

Here he is in a pair of hip sunglasses, seductively pulling his beard:

HOT!

Here's Rasputin with his bitches:

Rasp, you the pimp!















And here is his pickled penis:















13 inches! Can be found at the erotic museum in St. Petersburg. Until I steal it.





Rasputin, all sexy in bed:



Recovering from an assassination attempt. It's okay Rasp, I'll make you feel all better..


Various assholes tried to assassinate Rasputin over the course of his life. Through poisoning mostly. Nothing worked, until Prince Felix Youssoupov threw him into a frozen pond, where he got caught under the ice and turned into a Rasputin-sicle.

When Rasputin was killed, the peasants were pissed. He was one of them. So there was this uprising, they killed the royal family. And that's how Rasputin caused comminism in Russia. That rascal!

This website claims Rasputin is still living.

But I don't think the alleged new pictures of him are real. They're just pictures of bums and hippys, none of which have those dark, deep set Rasputin eyes that make me grab myself inappropriately.

Hey. You have porn, I have Rasputin.

As for Al Capone, you gotta love him. A lot, if you're from Chicago. He gave our city it's badass image. Without Capone, what would Chicago be known for? Oprah? But basically, all he did was make money and kill. And wear a fedora, which was cool. Though his penis is not 13-inches long and pickled for all eternity.

So Rasputin was definately more badass.

posted at 4:51 PM |