Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Truth About Allison S

It's recently been brought to my attention that there are many rumors and stigmas following me. You could say I have a bad reputation among my friends and classmates. These rumors are even common knowledge to various people I've never met before.

Oh well, as they say (who's they?), any publicity is good publicity. I am a writer. I want people to know I exist. Still, I'd like to stick up for myself and clarify the reality of my past and my current situation.

Rumor: I am a filthy slut and am fucking about 10 different people.
Truth: A year ago, I was polyamorous. But it got confusing and awkward, so now I only have 1 boyfriend, who is absolutely awesome. I'm very happy and definitely not sleeping around.

Rumor: That incident with the teacher and the cherry flavored popsicles..
Truth: Yes. But just that once, and not anymore. And the popsicles were grape.

Rumor: I'm snobby and mean and full of myself.
Truth: True. But if you're nice to me, I'll pretend I'm not.

Rumor: I'm homeless.
Truth: Also true. I don't have a stable home. Ever since I left my apartment, I've been bopping around between the couches and beds of my family and friends. But I've been working and saving up money so hey, anyone need a roommate?

Rumor: I barfed in so and so's bathroom.
Truth: Unfortunately true. I defiled plenty of bathrooms, back in my whisky days. As of late, I've switched to beer. Consequently, I've gained a few pounds but am no longer getting sick-pukey-drunk.

And that's all I can think of now. If you've heard anything else, I'd like to know.
posted at 12:40 PM |