Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Optimism: n. The act of lying to one's self to prevent suicide.

Examples:

Instead of thinking, Shit. I'm having my period again. No sex for 5 whole days!
Think, Thank Satan! None of my unstable sex partners have impregnated me this month! And anal is still an option..

Instead of, I'm such a loser. Nobody will hire me because I'm so strange and unpleasant.
Think, Isn't it lucky I don't have waste my time at some boring-ass job all day? Now I have free time to write about rabies and mating whales!

And rather than, God damnit. My family sucks.
Think, Isn't it great my dad doesn't nag me, like other parents do. I never hear crap from him like, "Fiction writing? You'll never get a job with that degree!"

Lastly don't think, I'm broke and starving to death.
Think, Because of this diet, I'll lose enough weight to become an exotic dancer at that charming little club, down the road. Then I'll never be broke!

It's a wonderful day!
posted at 4:59 PM |