Sunday, June 05, 2005

Last night, me and Katie went to a townie bar in Arlington Heights and observed what happens if you stay in the Northwest Suburbs too long.

If you're a man, you'll grow a gut, lose your hair and blather on loudly about your high school escapades. "Dude, our team totally kicked your ass in '95!"

If you're a woman, you'll also grow a gut and blather on loudly about high school. But you'll wear a glowing pin on your tit that reads, I glow when I'm horny.
Or, if you're gorgeous, you'll wear your fanciest dress with matching sandals and desperately try to pretend the dive bar is your senior prom and that Bud Light you're sucking is the quarterback's dick.

"Poor things." we sighed.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Bitchy Columbia snobs!
But come on, the obnoxious fucks who end up at these townie bars are the same ones who made my high school years a non-stop stream of taunts and wanting to die.


posted at 1:40 PM |