I am completely creatively blocked. Trapped in this dirty house, in a nowhere town with no car to free me. I'm deprived of excitement, since I can't get to the city, deprived of proper nutrition, since I can't get to the grocery store and therefore am too sick and bored to write a word. It feels mean to make myself work when everything sucks so bad. Writing used to be fun. It was what I did to escape, when I was a kid and stuck in this fucking place. But I didn't know better, then. I'm corrupted now. I've tasted briefly the kind of life I want, a fast one filled with many interesting people and being the brat I am, I won't accept less. But I can't get out of here until I get a job, can't get a job without a car. I'll be stuck in this living room, isolated and stunted until I finally off myself. And yes, that's an idle threat. Don't call the ambulance on me, for fucksake that never helped anything. There's just a few things in life I can't tolerate: hunger, boredom, lonliness and feeling trapped. And right now, my life is comprised solely of these things. So let me bitch. I have the right. My enemies.. I know you are reading this and laughing. Ah ha ha stupid bitch Allison, stuck in her dad's house because she didn't do the right thing like we did and get a nice job at the townie bar or the ice cream shop or the movie theater. She wasted her time at the bullshit art school, instead. She rejected her steady boyfriends for a stream of jerks. She's too fucking snobby and weird to be friends with us. The real people. Well, fuck you guys still. I'd rather be alone all summer than spend one more night drowning in your gossip, your claustrophobic notions of acceptability. I know, deep down you only hate me because I'm braver than you. Yeah, you. You're not a writer. What have you written? Your myspace profile? No dear, that doesn't count. Where are you published? A bar napkin? Show me, really I'm curious. Fucking poser. Spite me, actually write something. I'll be proud of you. *whew* I feel better. Me and Derek will go have lunch, then I'll finish my chapter. I just needed to rant.
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