Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Sometimes, like today, I feel huge and gaudy. Like I'm 50 feet tall and 80 tons and trying to dance ballet and everything I say sounds like a swear.

I think I need to eat and sleep more. When I am hungry or tired, I feel uncomfortable in my human body. I start to hate being in here, which leads me to think that everyone else must hate my being in here, because everyone always agrees with me, right? haha

I just want things to get how they were a month ago. The weekend of Jessy's birthday. That was the last time I really felt friendly and peaceful. Like I finally had somewhere, some people I could be comfortable with at last.

It is wearing on me to live this coin-flip life. For a few weeks, I pulled it off. Being one person while at home, another at school. But sometimes the art-snob goes off on a pretensious tirade and alienates without mercy. And sometimes good old drunk and reckless "psycho Allison" forgets how to talk about writing.

Somebody give me a hug or a cookie before I start to cry.
posted at 6:24 PM |