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Thursday, June 29, 2006
I am not a ranter.. but lately, I've encountered a few things that really suck and I'm compelled to tell you about them: 1. Fuck health insurance! After 15 years of excessive medical debt and many strange clinic visits, my dad finally scored our family some health insurance. Not sure why I qualify. I'm over 19 and out of college. But I won't question these things. So yeah, I go to the Blue Cross/Blue Shield website to look for a dentist in my area. I've got this this tacky brown spot on my two front teeth and I'd like to have it bleached off. Only the website tells me the closest dentists covered under my plan are in motherfucking KENOSHA WISCONSIN! Not a single one in Chicagoland proper. DaaaahhH! 2. Fuck yuppies. Yes, again. And then fuck them some more. Fuck them for their oblivious ways. Like this morning, for example, this yuppie sits next to me on the brown line. I'm in the window seat, she's in the aisle. My stop is approaching. I stand and politely say, "excuse me". No response from Ms. Yup. She is hiding beneath her $180 sunglasses and white earphones, dreaming of condos and bimmers and whatnot. I say louder, "excuse me!" Still no response. Finally, I bash her gently over the head with my bag, "Oops! Sorry!" She gets up. Yuppies are stubborn in their ignorance of life outside pilates and pointy shoes. Like mules, won't budge until beaten. I have a theory that Chicago yuppie chicks have the most annoying voices on the planet. Think about it.. Chicago accents are nasal to begin with. Add to it a general disregard for the feelings of others and a sense of entitlement that lends them no remorse for the most bone-shattering shriek of, "OH MY GOD I'M SOOO DRUNK". If you don't believe me, stroll down Clark Street, near Wrigley Field on a Friday or Saturday night and try to tell me you don't long for some kind of automatic weapon. 3. Fuck the ipod shuffle! My last one had some sort of factory defect, so they replaced it for free. Very cool. Only now, the one they've replaced it with is defective, too. Three words: FUCK THAT SHIT!! After thourough research of online message boards pertaining to the shuffle, I've developed a theory: the ipod shuffle was designed to get the user "hooked" on ipod, then to break after just a few months. I guess Apple figures that we'll figure, "Oh well. I've got to get a new one, anyway. Might as well spend $300 dollars more to get a full-blown ipod." Well, bitches. That isn't gonna work on me. I will go down to the Apple store and demand a new shuffle every month, if I have to. *deep breath* Now back to your regularly scheduled irreverence. | Wednesday, June 28, 2006 No two people needed that more. | Monday, June 26, 2006 I Thought I Was a Vegetarian! In the past year, I have eaten up to: - 11 insect larvae - 27 whole insects (or insect parts) - 753 fly eggs - 151 maggots - 270 rat hairs - 7714 mites What have you eaten? The icky details. | Sunday, June 25, 2006 Al Gore says the waves will swallow us all.. more later | Friday, June 23, 2006 I Made a Photoblog! allisonriver.blogspot.com The world seen through my crappy camera phone. |
Hey!  Wound up at a balkan dance party, tonight. This chick slapped my ass and called me a bitch. It was like a family get-together. We were supposed to like each other, but the music was just so fierce.. | Wednesday, June 21, 2006 Haado Gei, hoooooo!  Okay! This is Hard Gay. He prances through the streets of Tokyo in his shiny leather shorts and helps out people in distress. He makes sushi for children. He ilfiltrates the corporate offices of TOMY and Yahoo. He cleans up the park. He's my hero. Watch Hard Gay here. | Tuesday, June 20, 2006 angst | Thursday, June 15, 2006 My Brain Had Liquefied and Was slowly dripping from my ears. I could not think, could not write.. so.. I signed up for violin lessons. Horray! I took lessons for many years when I was a kid, but my fingers have grown rusty. I will work hard and will sound good in no time. Who wants to start a band in a few months? |
| Saturday, June 10, 2006 What time is it? Where are we? HERE Here when? NOW Okay, NOW where are we? HERE What time did we get here? NOW Where have we been? HERE What time are we leaving? NOW Where will we go then? HERE What's the clock say? NOW Why? |
I searched for the corner of Hooker and Weed tonight. Wanted to post a picture of it here. Upon exploration, found that the river flows through the spot where Hooker St and Weed St should intersect. Ripple ripple. |
What herb are you? | Thursday, June 08, 2006 last year on this day we fled LA- me and my 2nd fiancee you hated palm trees anyway | Tuesday, June 06, 2006 Tonight we almost had a cat It followed me home, this black and orange spotted cat with bright green eyes. Followed me down the sweetly reeking alley, up 3 flights of wooden stairs. Slipped between my legs and through the doorway. It was friendly. Extremely friendly, rubbed its head on you, on your hand, on everything around, like walls and couches. "Let's name it Chairman Meow.." "Is it stray?" We couldn't tell. It was dirty, like a stray. But it was fat, well fed. My room mate started sneezing. "We can't have a cat if you're allergic." "But we can't let him roam around outside!" "He's done okay so far.." It wouldn't eat what we offered it: some rice milk and some leftover tofu surprise. "If we keep it, it needs cat food and a litterbox." "It's 11:30. Is Jewel still open?" Ehh. We let the Chairman go. Out the back door, shut it fast. He probably sat on the deck for a while. "I'm worried. We should let him back in. Is cat poop hard to clean up?" "No, let him go. That cat has a wandering spirit. He's not our cat, he's everyone's cat. There's probably kids who pet him, someone who gives him food. He's the neighborhood cat. Not ours." We'll see him again. | Saturday, June 03, 2006 This is what you're doing on Wednesday Copied from an RUI e-mail: What: RUI: Reading Under the Influence - SEX When: Where: How much: $3 Who: Our guest is the SEXy GINA FRANGELLO, of "Other Voices" fame and the novel "My Sister's Continent." Learn more about Gina here: www.ginafrangello.com Plus, SEXy readings by: *Julia "The Knockout" Borcherts *Rob "Big Daddy" Duffer *Carly "Hot Little Mama" Huegelmann *Amanda "The Blonde Bomber" Snyder and that kook from *Joe "The Muscle" Tower Come on out and hear some smutty, slutty, sexy readings from published authors about sex, plus some original work, answer some trivia, win some stuff, take off your top and make out with a stranger in the bathroom. You know you want to. | Friday, June 02, 2006 I got a new phone And it has a camera.. which means.. ANOTHER LIGHTBULB PICTURE! yay  | Thursday, June 01, 2006 Dangerous Dolphins Found this on engrish today:  |
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