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Monday, January 31, 2005
oww! exercising hurts! |
My ass has been fusing to this computer chair. The lackluster muscles I gained from swimming and biking, this summer have melted into mounds of pale fluff. I don't look much different..but I feel sickly and morbidly Dickensian, being so poor and weak. So upon suggestion, I will surmount my deep-seeded fear of exercise, embedded in me by high school gym class trauma. I will start slow. Today: 50 Crunchies 25 Leg lift things 15 Pushups 1 Walk What the fuck is wrong with me! I've been feeling so embodied! Eghhh! |
middleofcarsexnowherestuckinthesnow | Sunday, January 30, 2005 Woopieeee! I just learned how to add links to my blog! (Welcome to the '90s Allison..) If you want me to add your blog/journal, leave me the URL. If you see your link up there and your immediate reaction is: "How the fuck did you find my blog, take it off there RIGHT NOW YOU NOSY CUNT!!!" then tell me so and I will remove you. |
Dream that I was black and having a 3-some in a stairwell. I was watching myself from the top of the stairs. I looked cute as a little black girl, getting my pussy eaten by some dude, while simultaneously fingering the girl next to me. So..here I am. An exciting day of strandation that will not cease until my sister gives me my car back. (Which will take weeks..) If you're in the suburbs and have a car, take pity on me and whisk me away to some far-off place that is not my dad's living room. Uggghhh and there's nothing to eat here but TOAST! *bawl* | Saturday, January 29, 2005 Northwest Suburbs beware.. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! | Friday, January 28, 2005 I just got the best idea for an ultra-marketable chick-lit book.. oh god..would I dare.. e-mail me if you're curious | Thursday, January 27, 2005 2 girls leaving Winthrop Ave. I'm the one who's getting out alive.. | Wednesday, January 26, 2005
| Tuesday, January 25, 2005 1. Exciting weekend in the suburbs. Think I'm getting sick.. 2. For laugh's sake, my pre-Columbia writing: http://www.darkpoetry.com/display.php?info=/dp/78 3. Am I too fat to be a stripper? This finding a 3rd job thing isn't working too well.. | Saturday, January 22, 2005 wrote a poem last night. and now you have to sit through it. dusting of our separation making streets a slushy drink regurgitation lake its winter break so brave it for me face the flurries hotly with your shades on like its January June the furnace chimes you comb your hair the speaker vibes a buzzing box of beetles from Brazil I'm off the subject- do you fear we've sat here for too long? or that its time to button sentiment and blink in goodbye smearing colors into one another button you can dig and find and press to end this | Thursday, January 20, 2005 Oh my sweet rapture.. |
FALL '04: CLASSES DONE!!!!!! FUCK YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! | Wednesday, January 19, 2005 Dream: ___ ____ e-mails me asking which drawer of my dresser I keep my panties in. When I see him next, he asks if I got the metaphor behind that question.. Wake: I don't tell ___ the dream. Definately don't read it out in class. Just smirk in his blue-eyed, monkey face and think, "I don't even have a dresser." | Tuesday, January 18, 2005 ScorpionHela: fucking rewrites..I hate having to majorly fuck something up for the sake of an assignment genralstan: hehe genralstan: i enjoy it. genralstan: but that's because i think everything i write is crap, so maybe--just maybe--a rewrite will elevate it. ScorpionHela: am I the only one who likes their own writing? genralstan: i hope not. ScorpionHela: maybe I'm cocky, or something, but I think I'm doing okay.. genralstan: i just know i don't like mine. genralstan: i think you are, too. genralstan: my confidence in my writing comes in un-erotic spurts. genralstan: but usually i have to be puffed up by others, who read it and tell me it's not shit. genralstan: that's my big problem. genralstan: well, one of them... ScorpionHela: I like reading my stuff. Maybe this is counter-productive. Is contempt for ones own work necessary for improvement? genralstan: i don't think so. genralstan: you just need the awareness to realize that maybe it's not instantly a masterpiece. genralstan: but it also doesn't need to be torn apart. genralstan: just polishing. genralstan: i'm aware, at least, that i'm overboard on the self-hatred. genralstan: but most of the writers i know have boatloads of false modesty. genralstan: they're just faking like they hate their work, so if somebody else actually does hate it, they can fall back on, "told ya so." genralstan: it's pretty depressing that i seem to be the only one who really believe my stuff is garbage. ScorpionHela: fuck you ScorpionHela: haha |
Here at the art school, hairs are greasier, eyes are glassier and people make less sense than usual. Everyone's bitching and looking like doom. Fuck finals week. |
Back to the suburbs I go on the weekends. Not with the trite old "tail between my legs" but with a middle finger raised. Fuck you, Chicago: New York's jealous redneck cousin, LA's bitter, work-a-holic ex-husband "I may be ugly and smelly, but I got the biggest phallic symbol in the world!" | Saturday, January 15, 2005 How silly of me to think I could play nice and like it. |
Okay, so I didn't go to the reading. I was absolutely sick of being at school.. * Things never get better, they just get different. There is no forgetting, only distraction. * I am a terrible judge of character. Or, rather, I don't judge character..which is my problem. | Friday, January 14, 2005 There's a whole bunch of sweetness waiting for me back at my apartment. Why the fuck am I here!!? |
Tonight: reading from 7-10 at the Hokin. Come hear the genius words of Allison S!! | Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Saw some interesting shit out on State Street:
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In class, today, I wrote a funny list of things that irk me..but fuck! It's gorgeous outside and I'm so damn happy and caffiene charged and feeling all mooshy content inside that I can't bear to post it right now. My impending moving doesn't faze me.. neither do the grudges I know are held against me.. (dude, I'm not worth your hate).. nor the heaps of final projects I should be writing. But I should still eat food. | Tuesday, January 11, 2005 Infinity is something too big for the human mind to comprehend and calculate. I wear it and play with it. The trick to seduction is urgency.. to engineer perfect moments, as if they're the only and last you'll live. And to make it contageous. The act of copulation, itself stems from a fear of death, of extinction. So on someone who's damn convinced he's immortal, it wouldn't really work. I blame sappy 90's rock. And the suburbs. I don't understand how some people get so bitter about their fallen relationships. I get pissed, yeah, and I get revenge when somebody "breaks my heart"..but I try not to hold it against the next one I'm with. When somebody hurts me, I'm usually over it after a couple of days. Am I dense? Is that it? Not deep enough for attachment? If I let my "past"..whatever that is, get to me, I'd be crippled. My psyche is NOT a junkyard. I'd rather wear the scars on my skin and keep my soul a blank slate. I hope your's will heal. |
Oh god...I just realized something...I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO POST CAT PICTURES ON THEIR BLOG!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! | Sunday, January 09, 2005 Bud the Cat and I. |
Awwwwwwwwww! Last night was so sweet..I'm still picking sugar from my hair. I feel like, 4 years younger! ;) you can all just kiss off into the air.. they'll hurt me bad, but I won't mind | Saturday, January 08, 2005 I'm home in the suburbs, tonight and *hides face* you wouldn't believe what I'm doing right now: I'm watching TV. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! No, really, I fuckin miss my Discovery Channel.. I learned that a giant wave will swallow New York City within my lifetime. It's the writers' psychic revenge against big publishing! heh heh Bad joke. |
Okay..so I cancel that last post. Good enough reasons were given by all who ditched me, so I forgive them. It's just hard, sometimes, to remember that everyone's life does not spin on an axis of MEEEEE! In other news, I got a NOTICE from the landlord, yesterday. *sigh* Better pack the old plaid suitcase... | Friday, January 07, 2005 Today makes me believe in karma.. all those times I blew people off for whichever valid or invalid reason are thrown back at me, today: "Family crisis..." "Sorry I'm late, I tried to call..." "Where the fuck is she?" "Oh, she left at 4." Fuck you all. I like my own company better than yours. | Thursday, January 06, 2005 The winter sunset is almost tropical... | Wednesday, January 05, 2005 Me: I can't live alone anymore. I need somebody there to prove my existence to me. Claire: I don't really give a fuck if I exist or not. I am Olllllga. My firey hot libido will melt alllll ze snow! And then we went grocery shopping. | Tuesday, January 04, 2005 RIP my pink hair |
Finding in a pit of pimps and gouls what is sticky and divine it stings at first will harden smoothly fingertip of wax Slamming like a hallway like hilarity will rip papier mache heads from the balls of wonder harden smoothly hey relax | Monday, January 03, 2005 It's been 4 hours since I found out I don't have to quit school, after all. And already, the thrill has dulled and I'm sad again. Why can't I like happy things anymore? Trouble is so much more interesting, but it's tiring being a villian. My eyes are gray from viewing life with a predatory stance. Poll: Should I go on the psych. meds? a. Yes, some happy pills would do you good. b. No! Hell no! c. Get your ass to the loony bin, you bat-shit bitch! |
Raindrops in my coffee cup but the gods of financial aid have smiled on me.. I don't have to quit school! YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Saturday, January 01, 2005 A few more goals for this year: -Find a cheaper place to live -Be friendlier -Clear up my credit |
Though the future doesn't exist, I still think new years resolutions are a good idea, just in case. These they are: -To finish the 1st draft of Happy Hour novel -Not to persue those who hurt and reject me (I got the last of my pining out of my system before the year ended) ooh! breakfast jello-shots served in the kitchen...will continue these pointless promises to myself later... |
new years resolution: lets get nekkid and conquer Brittin |
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